I’m happy to announce that I am writing today’s update from the comfort of our hotel room! Sure, it’s not home, but I was discharged yesterday and am able to rest more and rest more comfortably here without 5 IVs coming out of my arms and being woken up to get shots and medications and vitals taken every couple of hours. Although I will say, Michael and I surprisingly got a lot of rest at the hospital, even sharing a twin sized bed. A few weeks ago I would have never guessed that my treatment would be in Oklahoma but now that we are here, I know it’s exactly where we are supposed to be. Our surgeon was nothing short of amazing, along with all of sweet nurses who took such great care of me, made me their VIP patient, and kept my spirits lifted (shout out to Abbie and Becca!)
Recovery has been slow. It’s hard trying to take things slow and not over do it. Even reading messages on my phone can be quite the challenge because of the light. I feel like a vampire because I just want to sit in the dark 90% of the time. My headaches have definitely gotten more intense over the past couple of days (air pockets in your brain are no joke) and I have been experiencing some double and blurry vision post surgery. I’m hoping that most of this is only temporary and that I can start to see normally in the next week or so. In addition to these fun new symptoms, I am also dealing with weaning off of steroids. I’m not sure why but my body does not handle steroids well, or at least coming off of them. I feel so weak and shaky. It’s such a miserable feeling, but at least I know what to expect this time around and I know it’s only temporary. So I just need to make it through the next week and I know I’ll be feeling better!
In addition to all of those fun changes, today I began radiation. It was pretty uneventful and only took about 10 minutes. You don’t feel anything (except the awesome mask pushing against your face), although it was pretty uncomfortable laying on my incision without a pillow. But if that’s as bad as it gets, I think I can handle it! I should be starting chemo sometime in the next week as well. Not looking forward to it but I am hopeful that we can knock this out while it’s down.
The highlight of my week definitely came today when I got to see my sweet Sarah. This was the sweetest reunion I have had to date. It’s hard not to get choked up looking at these pictures because of how much I love this little girl. She is such a light in my life and seeing her smile gives me hope on the days when it’s hard to find it. I’m hoping that I stay well enough to keep her here for the remainder of my treatments but I know that every moment is a gift so I’m just trying to soak up every sweet moment and smile that I can. Gosh I love that sweet face!
A friend of mine sent me a message the other night that resonated deep with me and I just have to share it. It brought a completely new perspective to light on this whole situation:
“I want to encourage you and all to present your prayers in a way most do not pray when one is facing cancer…I want to encourage you to NOT present your prayers as if you need to “fight” or “beat” the unwanted tenant. That type of prayer makes your body think it is in a battle and can deplete much needed energy. Rather, let the tenant know that you recognize him….you see him… thank him for coming to reveal to you any spiritual lessons that you needed to learn…tell him you appreciate the opportunity for your spiritual growth and let him know that you are ready for him to “move through” your body….he is no longer needed and you are going to use your energy to heal your body now….tell him you have more work to do to grow yourself and assure him that you are going to use this experience for good.”
When I read this my jaw must have hit the floor. What an amazing perspective on such a bad situation. And she couldn’t be more right! I am so incredibly thankful for how this has changed me, and boy, has it changed me. I am so thankful for the spiritual growth this has brought me and my marriage as well as the appreciation I have for the smallest things. So as much as I want this to all go away, I’m simply thankful. I’m thankful for this experience because it has opened my eyes to see so much more than I could have seen without it.