I have to admit, I didn’t think I would be in this good of shape 10 days after having major brain surgery that most brain surgeons deemed was “inoperable.” I think good shape is a relative term, but I’m a pretty functional human being for the most part. I’m able to feed and dress myself, read books with my daughter, carry on a normal conversation (most of the time). I still need help washing my hair because of my incision but its healing really well and really quickly! My headaches have definitely improved and are the best they have been in months! It’s such a relief to not be in a constant state of pain. My vision is still a little bright and blurry but it’s definitely getting better too. Just taking everything a day at a time because that’s all that I can do right now!
My mom left Saturday and boy was that hard. I loved having her here with me so much. I seriously don’t know how she has been as strong as she has around me. When I look at Sarah and imagine her going through something like this, it totally and completely breaks me. As a parent you want to do everything you can for your child and not being able to fix something like this, I just can’t imagine how that would feel. My mom has seriously been so strong through this. I admire her so much for it because I really don’t know if I could be as strong as she is. Luckily for us, the doctors don’t think that what I have is genetic so I don’t think I have to worry about passing this to Sarah. Hopefully it’s just a one and done kind of cancer. Really though ya’ll. I have the best mom in the world. After I woke up from my surgery, the first thing I asked my nurse (Jesus) was if I could call my mom to bring me some chick fil a. So as I’m waking up from anesthesia, I called my mom in the waiting room and asked her if she would go get me chick fil a (ya know, instead of calling my husband to let him know I was alive and well). I remind you, we didn’t have a car or anything so she was going to Uber to a chick fil a for me haha. Luckily, Michael told her not to, which was good because I didn’t end up eating anything over the next 24 hours. But she was all for it! Crazy Stephanie just woke up from brain surgery and wanted a chicken sandwich and my mom was right there and ready to make it happen! I just love her so much!
Although I was sad to see my mom leave Saturday, I was extremely excited to see my best friend of 27 years, Amanda. The good part about being in Oklahoma is that I’m only 7 hours away from her! So she made the trek down to come and spend the weekend with us! And I’m so glad she did! For those of you who don’t know, Amanda and I have literally been friends our entire lives…since diapers. So that’s 27 years of amazing friendship. The crazy part is that we have almost consistently had a long distance friendship. We grew up in the same city but I moved when I was 8 so we haven’t lived in the same state since then. It’s hard having my best friend so far, especially right now, but I’m just so thankful to have a friend like her. She has seen every side of me (trust me, there are some crazy sides), but she is always right there. Always. Her wedding is 3 weeks away and she dropped everything to come see me for the weekend. AINT NO BRIDE GOT TIME FOR THAT! I think that’s been one of the hardest parts over the past few weeks is my lack of involvement with the wedding festivities. I had to miss her bridal shower and bachelorette party because of my tenant and it seriously killed me. I can’t even talk about it without crying. I want more than anything to just be there for her the way she was for me! She is seriously going to be the most beautiful bride. Mark my words, I may be bald and puking my brains out going down the aisle, but I WILL be at her wedding in a few weeks. Nothing will keep me away, not even brain cancer.
In addition to our fun visits and recovery over the last week, last week also marked the start of lent. I had every intention of writing about it earlier this week but time got away from me. The priest said something at mass yesterday that really struck me. “For some of you, this will be your last Lenten journey.” Sure it’s a morbid thought, and although I don’t feel he was talking to me, it’s crazy to think about. What if this was your last Lenton season here on earth? What would you sacrifice or add to your life? Seriously. Deep stuff guys. I keep half jokingly saying I’m giving up cancer for lent but really instead of focusing on sacrificing something, I’ve turned towards prayer. It seems cliche. You get brain cancer so you pray more. But really, taking the time every day to say the rosary has changed me. It’s changed my marriage. I could count on one hand how many times I’ve prayed the rosary before all this happened. It’s not that I didn’t want to, it’s just that I didn’t make time for it. It wasn’t a priority to me. It sounds terrible but it’s just the truth. Then you are given a year to live and it’s funny how important prayer becomes. The first time Michael and I prayed the rosary together was after we found out I had a brain tumor. It was 99% him while I just sat there and sobbed. I sobbed because I was scared. And I felt so guilty that it took something so big to bring us to a point where we could pray so openly together. It still makes me sad to think that we could have been living like this all along but I know that God has a grand plan. I know that we have to get through this part first to get to where we need to be. I’m not sure where that is yet, but I know it will be grand. And I also know there will be sugar and carbs there too!