Here I am Lord

I have a story I’d like to share. It’s a really good one, but the problem is…it’s unfinished. So I’ll give you all the good stuff but you’ll have to wait for the ending because even I don’t know how this one is going to end yet. Back when this all started, about two months ago, we were home. Michael, Sarah, my mom, and I. I was getting ready in our bathroom and I could hear Michael in the other room singing. He was singing one of my favorite hymns, “Here I am Lord.” When I asked him what brought him to sing that hymn specifically, he told me it just popped in his head. I have this theory that whenever a hymn comes to mind or if I start singing a hymn randomly, it’s God’s way of trying to speak to me so I really listen to what the words are and try and decipher what he is trying to tell me. I didn’t think much of the fact that Michael was singing that and I kept getting ready with a smile. We headed out that morning for daily mass but because there was a funeral that morning, we ended up in the adoration chapel instead. We sat and prayed together and it was a really beautiful moment. Praying together in the presence of God. While we were praying, we could hear (very clearly) the choir in the church singing Here I am Lord. In that moment we had such a sense of peace and knew this was in God’s hands.

A day or so later, I was laying on the couch napping with Michael next to me, when I woke up to someone saying my name. I asked Michael, “did you say my name?” To which he replied “no.” I know to some of you I sound like I’m losing my marbles. I may have brain cancer, but I swear I’m not crazy. I kind of brushed it off. Weeks go by. Fast forward to Saturday night, two nights ago. The night I wrote my last blog. I fell asleep a little after 10 and woke up because someone said my name. I promise you with every ounce of my being I heard (not just in my head heard), my name being said, clear as day. STEPHANIE (in case you didn’t know my name already). I looked over to ask Michael if he said my name, but he was snoring so I knew it wasn’t him. Ok, first time, sure I’ll brush it off. But twice? Nope. I know better, especially with how present the Lord has been through all of this. I shared this with Michael the next morning and he reminded me of a passage (Samuel Chapter 3).

The boy Samuel ministered before the Lord under Eli. In those days the word of the Lord was rare; there were not many visions.

² One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place.

³ The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the house of the Lord, where the ark of God was.

⁴ Then the Lord called Samuel. Samuel answered, “Here I am.”

⁵ And he ran to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”But Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.” So he went and lay down.

⁶ Again the Lord called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.”  “My son,” Eli said, “I did not call; go back and lie down.”

⁷ Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord: The word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him.

⁸ A third time the Lord called, “Samuel!” And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, “Here I am; you called me.” Then Eli realized that the Lord was calling the boy.

⁹ So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.’” So Samuel went and lay down in his place.

¹⁰ The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!” Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”

¹¹ And the Lord said to Samuel: “See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears about it tingle.

¹² At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end.

¹³ For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons blasphemed God,^[a] and he failed to restrain them.

¹⁴ Therefore I swore to the house of Eli, ‘The guilt of Eli’s house will never be atoned for by sacrifice or offering.’”

¹⁵ Samuel lay down until morning and then opened the doors of the house of the Lord. He was afraid to tell Eli the vision, ¹⁶ but Eli called him and said, “Samuel, my son.”

Samuel answered, “Here I am.”

Pretty cool, right? So we go to church on Sunday (and sang with the choir!) and I kid you not, one of the songs we sing is “Here I am Lord.” This song keeps appearing in our lives in a hauntingly cool way. But as we were singing it I was reading the words more carefully and they became more vivid to me. “Here I am Lord, Is it I, Lord? I have heard You calling in the night.” Literally.

So that’s my story for today. It’s kind of a jumbled mess but I hope it made sense. I feel like I’m sitting on alert right now, waiting on a mission from God, which is why the story is unfinished. I am patiently (but really very impatiently) waiting to see what is next. What am I being called to do to serve our amazing and merciful Lord?