Just One More Minute

I’m happy to report that I made it to my best friend’s wedding and I SURVIVED. Not only did I survive, but I wasn’t bald or puking (at least not yesterday!)! It’s funny, everyone says how happy they are that I was able to go but I seriously would have had Michael roll me in on a hospital bed before I would have missed it! And let me tell you, she was the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen! I’m not just saying that because she is my bestie. I can’t wait to see all the photos!!! And speaking of photos, here are a couple that other people got. Lord knows I didn’t remember to take any…I was too busy ugly crying the whole time.

I know the first thing you looked at was my hair. It’s ok, me too. I’m happy to report that my poor hair mostly made it and we were able to make it work! I ordered some last minute extensions on amazon and with the help of my amazing hair stylist (and by the grace of God), I looked “normal.” I seriously felt so bad for my hair dresser. Can you imagine?! “Hi, I’m Stephanie. I have brain cancer. I had surgery a month ago so please watch the 3 inch incision on the back of my head. Also, my hair just started falling out so here are some extensions and a wig. Do what you can.” Luckily, she was briefed ahead of time so the conversation didn’t go like that and she was AMAZING. So sweet and so talented (as you can see). I was so worried it wasn’t going to make it. So worried we ended up overnighting a wig just to make me feel better. But the hair loss has shown itself in the form of a two inch ring around the middle of my head. It’s actually pretty funny. Maybe I’ll be brave and show ya’ll in a couple weeks. So luckily, at least for now, the hair on the top and bottom of my head is still there so I’m able to cover it up. Now that I’ve made it through this weekend though, I’m like NO HAIR DON’T CARE (I should probably have a shirt made with that on it haha!)

WARNING! The next paragraph is pretty sad. So don’t say I didn’t warn you.

It really was an emotional weekend. As if I don’t cry enough already, throw in my best friend marrying the man of her dreams. One of the highlights of the weekend was dancing with Michael at the reception. Going to a ball was one of the first things we did together and still one of the most romantic and memorable. I remember dancing together when we were dating and crying on him thinking about him moving away. This weekend as we danced together, I sobbed on his shoulder again thinking this could be the last time we go to a wedding together. Or the last time we are dressed up like this (and with hair!) dancing together. Typing that out is hard. But it’s hard not to think about it. I’ve realized that I’ve been so guilty of trying to make everything a “moment” with him and Sarah. I always think, enjoy this moment, her laugh, his smile. You don’t know if you’ll get it again. BUT, as sad as that is (yes, I’m sobbing again), I’M SO THANKFUL. So many people die in unexpected ways and don’t have the opportunity to think like this. To think “I’m going to hold onto you for just one more minute because that minute is everything and I may not have the chance tomorrow.” I’m so thankful to be able to be losing locks of my hair with him next to me. So many people don’t get that and for that, I thank God. I am here right now, today, because God wants me here. I pray that His plan is to keep me here for years to come, but in case it’s not, I’ll continue making everything a moment. Hopefully with less tears in the days to come.

I’ll leave you with a story and a metaphor inspired by my sweet Sarah. At one point the three of us were dancing. In my head I was taking a million photos to store in my head. I was holding onto them and  just soaking up the moment. I was dancing with my two favorite people on this earth. Sarah looks over at me and smiles. I love her smile. She then says “Mommy…I pooped.” It was perfect because I needed to laugh. Today I was thinking about it and I came up with this (excuse the language):

Life is a gift. Life is imperfectly perfect. Enjoy every moment because sometimes, shit just happens.