I feel like I have a lot to talk about but most of it doesn’t tie together. So we will see how this goes. This hair situation is getting a little crazy. And to make matters worse, one of my curls from the wedding turned into a dread lock. So I look like I’m wearing a toupe on top and rocking a dreadlock in the back. I don’t hate it enough to shave it yet but I have resulted to retail therapy in the form of hats. It could definitely be worse but I don’t enjoy it by any means. But on a good note, today is my last daily shot, at least for a while! So slowly but surely my body is getting more and more medications out of it.
When this all began about two months ago, Michael and I turned to prayer. We knew, and still know, that prayer and the hand of God, would be the only thing that could get us through this. We started praying the rosary together. Now to back up a little bit, I’ve never been one to pray the rosary. But man, it is so powerful and so beautiful. For those of you who don’t know (because I didn’t for the longest time), it’s not about worshiping or praying to Mary. At all. It’s no different than asking a close friend,or a family member to pray for you. youre asking Mary to pray for you. The mother of God. Thats not a bad person to have on your side, praying for you. So we started praying this together daily about two months ago and it has brought so much comfort and peace, for both of us. There is a prayer in the beginning though that gets me every time. “If what we ask for should not be granted, pray that we may receive that which will be of greater benefit to our soul.” This part is really beautiful but every time I say it I can’t help but think “what if the greater benefit to my soul is to leave this earth?” This is where I have been struggling lately. I dont know how to pray for this. For God’s will. I want to be completely healed, but I feel selfish asking for that when I know I should be praying for His will to be done. But I love this life that He has given me so much. So do I pray for healing or His will? This has been my struggle.
When we pray the rosary together, there is a part of it when you ask for others who have gone before you to intercede your prayers (asking them to pray for you). We have chosen a few Saints, ones that have revealed themselves to us in one way or another. One of those is St Peregrine, the Saint of Cancer. His story really struck me. He had cancer on his leg that had spread and he was going to have his leg amputated. The night before this surgery he was praying in front of the cross and in this time, he fell asleep. He dreamt or vision of Jesus descending from the cross and touching his leg. When he awoke, he was healed. A true act of God and a miracle. I love that story so much. While we were flying I dozed off. I woke to someone kissing my temple. I looked over to see if it was my mom or Sarah next to me but they were both asleep. And Michael was across the aisle on the other side. It was so weird. That night I went to bed like normal and when I woke up, I didn’t have a headache. This was the first time in months that I didn’t have a headache when I woke up. Now I woke up with one today so who knows, but I like to think that it was a kiss by an angel or Jesus healing me. Taking whatever is leftover away and curing this awful disease.
Ok last thing for today. Back when all of this started, I wanted to design a shirt to raise awareness and truthfully, I just wanted something I could wear that was unique to me and this “situation.” A super amazing friend of mine compiled all my crazy ideas and brought it to life. It’s everything I wanted: Faith, flying, fighters. And all in a brain. It’s pretty cool! If you want one, here’s the link! https://www.bonfire.com/stephanie-campaign/