5K for Brain Tumor research

It’s been a while since I’ve been on here and provided any sort of update. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of Stephanie, and I see her more and more every day in Sarah as she continues to grow. I also still loving hearing people’s stories about Stephanie and what she meant…

“These are the good old days”

August 18, 2016, Stephanie posted the following status: “That moment when you realize that these are the good old days and moments everyone talks about. I really wish time would slow down ❤️” This was six months before we knew something was wrong and before we knew our time was limited. Turns out those are…

“Just remember to keep pushing forward no matter what and the end will be glorious.”

There have been several times I’ve almost written another post.  Sometimes it’s because a phrase catches my ear and I think “that could have been one of Stephanie’s blog titles.”  Other times, I look at my last post and feel it’s been far too long, and feel that I have an obligation to write so…

“Do you ever stop missing them?”

Monday is Christmas Eve, and it will mark 15 months since Stephanie died. It will also mark the one year point for two widows I know who have to face the first angelversary and holidays at the same time. In some ways it seems that time has flown by, and in others it seems like…

Looking for Hope

I was watching a show the other day, and a line jumped out at me. I immediately hit rewind and re-listened to it a few times as I jotted it down so I’d get it right. The line was: “I found that people are not looking for miracles: they’re looking for hope. And they only…

Eulogy

A year ago today was Stephanie’s funeral. A year ago we laid her to rest in the cemetery and said our final goodbyes. I’m glad to see how much I’ve been able to grow over the last year, and yet I know I’ll always wish I could have one more minute, hour, day, month, or…

Pay it Forward 9/22-9/24

It’s almost been a year: a year since I sang her happy birthday, a year since I held her hand and kissed her forehead, a year since I lay with my head on her chest and heard her take her last breath… In some ways it seems like yesterday, and in some ways it seems…

Have I told you I love you today?

I used to ask Stephanie this several times a week.  It started one day when we were laying in bed and I honestly couldn’t remember.  I asked her, she said she didn’t think so, and I told her I loved her.  After that, it became more of a running joke, where even if I knew…

A Different Kind of Mother’s Day

Mother’s day is Sunday, and to be frank, I’m not looking forward to it.  I still plan on calling my mom and having Sarah talk to her grandmothers, but without Stephanie this year, the mother of my child, I know this Mother’s day is going to be different.  It’s going to be difficult, full of…

“we can have so much taken from us, but our joy is a choice”

Something I’ve struggled a lot with lately is being happy.  I read a while back that as a widow/widower, you have to give yourself permission to be happy.  I remember thinking that was the dumbest idea, because clearly I wanted to be happy, I just couldn’t be right then.  Well as time’s gone on, I…