So I have to say, Oklahoma has been good to us. I miss our home and our friends and the weather, BUT people here are so nice. Even before they found out about my “situation.” Yesterday I spent the afternoon at a local spa. Not only did they gift me with a spa package (which is amazing!) but they treated me like a normal person. And I left feeling like a new person. As I was getting a massage I kept saying in my head “I’m going to be ok. You’re going to be ok, Stephanie.” And I believe that. I am not a statistic. The truth is, we ALL have expiration dates. We are all going to die. It may sound morbid but it’s true. We all hope that we live to be 103 but you just don’t know when or how. But I know that THIS is not how I’m going to die. This thing called brain cancer that I had (I’ve decided to say had now instead of have) will not be what takes me from this earth. I know this. And when the doubt creeps in I have to take a step back and give myself a little pep talk. It goes a little something like this: past Stephanie was in way worse shape than this. Past Stephanie had an “inoperable” aggressive brain tumor. And then God paved the way and led her to a surgeon to remove most of it. And wrote yes on her head. And had her wake up with Jesus next to her (Michael met him, so I wasn’t hallucinating). So why should I doubt anything right now? Or ever for that matter. If past Stephanie could hold it together and be positive, then present Stephanie sure as heck can. Present Stephanie may have a reverse mullet/toupe, but present Stephanie is so much stronger than past Stephanie! So there’s that!
One of the big reasons I’ve kept up with this blog is for Sarah. I know she won’t remember what is happening right now. But one day this story will be shared with her. And instead of having to try and recount everything, I’m going to be able to simply say “Here. Read this. And excuse the occasional bad language mommy has” And I want her to know how much she influenced and helped me through this, even at such a young age. I always used to joke and talk about how kids are the worst, but Sarah is the exception. She really is the best.
I have some funny stories I want to share because humor is so important. I really believe you need to be able to laugh at yourself and even if a situation sucks, make the best of it and laugh at it. I’ve really tried to do this and I think it’s made all the difference. So here are some of my favorite funnies from this experience.
When Michael and I were driving in the car a couple months ago, he got confused about something and looked at me and said “sorry my brains all messed up.” To which I responded with ” oh? YOUR brains messed up?” And then we both laughed.
Last week when meeting with one of our doctors (Sarah was with us), the doctor was talking about Sarah and said “so she has dads looks but moms brain right?” And I said “GOSH! I HOPE NOT!” There was an awkward silence and he didn’t know how to respond but I just laughed and laughed. Sometimes my jokes are funnier to me than everyone else!
There is a period of about 4 days after my surgery that I don’t remember. At all. So hearing stories from that time are pretty entertaining. APPARENTLY I kept asking my nurses and Michael (for days) to get me my milk from the fridge next to my bed. I had put it there the day prior. Yea…it was a chair. And there was no milk.
Yesterday at dinner, Michael, Sarah, my mom and I were eating and we were talking about all of this. And I said “I just can’t imagine going through this as a parent. Having to watch your daughter go through something like this.” And then I looked up and realized I just said all of that to my mom. I felt bad but it was still pretty funny. Sorry mom!
And I already shared the Irma story. That ones the best. Trying to convince my mom that my hospital gown was some new lula. Even told her to look at the tag. Hysterical.
I debated this last one because of how embarrassing it is but it’s good stuff and frankly, I just don’t care anymore. I don’t know why anyone let me have a phone. I had no business having my phone after brain surgery, specifically Snapchat. If you were lucky enough to be one of my top snap friends then you probably got something like this from me. So I’ll leave you with this.