Hope. 

When Jesus heard this he said, “This illness is not to end in death, but is for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” John 11:4
This was a passage from the Gospel read at church this weekend. It hit pretty close to home. That the Son of God may be glorified through it. I know that this is being used for some greater good. Every time I read a comment about how my story has inspired someone or brought them closer to God, my heart dances. To know that good is coming out of all of this. To see the good and feel the good. I’ve never been one to preach or throw my Faith in people’s faces but I just can’t help but share all of the things we have experienced. God is so real and so present in this, it’s hard to ignore, which is why we don’t. Especially when it brings so much hope. 
Hope. It’s a word that didn’t mean as much to me BT (before tenant). But hope is everything now. Hope for a cure. Hope for years instead of months. Hope lets me believe that I can be the small percentage of people who can actually “beat” this thing. Hope lets me believe that I’ll be here for my family and to watch my daughter grow up. Hope is what makes me believe that when I die I’ll go to heaven and won’t just vanish into thin air. Hope is everything. 
Per the suggestion of my mom, I went to a Look Good, Feel Better workshop today and I’m so glad that I did! Selfishly for the bag of amazing make up. But unselfishly for what an amazing program it is. And to see the impact it’s having. It’s a program that teaches women (and men!) how to do your make up, hair wraps, wigs, etc. did you know a lot of people going through chemo lose their eyebrows and eyelashes? I had no idea! They teach you how to draw them on in a way that looks natural. It’s amazing what this disease can do to your self image and your confidence. I don’t even have the worst of these side effects and I struggle with this. But this program helps you to find ways to still feel like yourself and to feel beautiful, even when cancer is being rude. And I just love that! Here is my “after” makeover featuring my awesome dad! 

So there’s dad everyone! He braved the crazy weather of Oklahoma to be with us this weekend. It’s always so good to see my dad. I’ve always been such a daddy’s girl. And it sucks for everyone else. 5 people can tell me the same thing but I don’t believe it until I hear it from my dad. Partially because I’m stubborn and partially because there’s nothing like the love between a dad and his little girl. I know he won’t steer me wrong (yup, everyone else is! :P) It felt so good to have my mom, dad, husband and daughter all with me, even if just for a few days! These moments don’t happen too often so when they do, I soak them up! I know it was good for him to see me too because the last time he saw me was when I looked like I did in that Snapchat from my last post. He was probably just happy that I had showered. 
We are in the home stretch here in Oklahoma. We are very excited to get home but I’m extremely anxious to get back into the routine of things when we get home because the routine will be new. Trying to figure out how to use my energy, learn to ask for help, figure out if I should actually be driving. I’m nervous what life after brain surgery looks like for a stay at home mom. I know it will be ok, really I do. But I’m just very anxious about it. Many have asked what the future looks like for us. Although we really have no idea, what we DO KNOW is: I will be on chemo for the next year (on and off). I won’t have another scan until four weeks after I finish radiation, so mid May. I’ll be transferring to a new center “closer” to home with more clinical trial options so we MAY look into some clinical trials dependent upon what’s available. So far my ex-tumor and it’s location hasn’t made me eligible for too many but we shall see. There are so many unknowns still but we do know that God is carrying us all right now and we are so hopeful. Hope. 

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “Hope. 

  1. Hope and faith have gotten you this far! I don’t know you but knew your mom and Amanda from choir and church. Anna did musicals with Amanda. The thing is that strangely I feel so much love for you and you have made me think about God in a different way I have been distanced with. You are a radiant young woman (same age as my christine) and no matter what you go through your smile is phenomenal as is your twinkle I absorb your posts and exalt in the hope. Much love. Vickie.

    Like

  2. Stephanie – This is Connie O’Neill. I was one of the catechists when you were in RCIA. I just heard about your surgery and all that has happened! You are ABSOLUTELY in my prayers. I was shocked by this news. I am overwhelmed by your faith and positive attitude. And so many wonderful friends, family, and strangers praying for you. I’ve now read your blog. Your daughter is just beautiful. And, by the way, your photo in this post is really gorgeous. You look wonderful, as you did in your friend’s wedding photos! Just wanted to let you know that there’s now one more person praying diligently for you each day. God bless you!

    Like

  3. I, too, attended a “Look Good, Feel Better” workshop. Even though it’s been ten years, I remember it well and how feminine it made me feel (I was “hairless” by that time.) Yep, depending on the chemo drugs, ALL hair definitely comes out. My eyebrows were the last to go and the first to grow back.

    Prayers continuing!!!

    Like

  4. Blessings as you journey through this life changing event. Life is a continual walk of hope, and you are experiencing even more than the rest of us. Prayers for your healing hope!

    Like

  5. Hi Stephanie – my name is Kristin Piersma Myatt I grow up with Tara Taylor Jones. I have been praying for you and your family everyday and thank God for your amazing doctors!! And faith.
    I work at Kohls corporation in Wisconsin. I am part of a group doing a big volunteer event this summer for the American Cancer Society. We are making head wraps and putting packages together for the Look Good Feel Better program. It warmed my heart reading your story about the program. I can’t wait to share more of your story with my family and friends!! Prayers and love for an easy transition back home!

    Like

  6. Amen to hope and faith. Love seeing you smiling and happy next to your dad. Keep smiling because God is smiling back at you and yours. Hugs from Quito, always in our prayers.

    Like

  7. First of all, you look absolutely GORGEOUS! :* And second, you answered quite a few questions I was going to ask you so now I don’t have to bug you with them. 😉 Love you friend!

    Like

  8. I’m sure it did your dad’s heart good to see his beautiful girl. I don’t remember if I already shared this with you but I have a cousin who is dealing with a different cancer than yours and I shared your blog with her. She told me she felt inspired by your words because “it gives people like us, Hope.”

    Keep being the light that helps others see.

    Continued prayers.. ❤❤❤

    Like

  9. Hello! I’ve been following your story through my friend Janee. I love your faith and optimism through all of this – it really does lift me up and bring me closer to God. You are incredible!
    Have you heard or had a chance to look into what Duke is doing with GBM and the polio virus? They have had some incredible success, – true miracles. I have had the thought to tell you about it over and over. When I last looked, they are currently taking patients who have had surgery, radiation and chemo and have a recurrence. I pray for the miracle that that won’t happen to you, but if it is in God’s plan- this is the most astounding option. Hope! I’ll paste a link to one article about the clinical trials. You, your little girl and family are in my thoughts and prayers. Much love

    https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/davidkroll/2015/03/30/60-minutes-covers-dukes-polio-virus-clinical-trial-against-glioblastoma/amp/

    Like

  10. Still praying for you, my mom went through the same thing with lung cancer and lost all her hair. It came back a different color, grey lol. God is good and loving.

    Like

  11. Hi Stephanie, my name is Emma and I came across your story through someone on my LuLaRoe team page. I am so inspired by you and your story has really touched my heart. I also have a little girl and I can’t imagine how scary it must be! I’d love to send you both a little gift would you be able to email me your address? Thinking of you and rooting for you!

    Like

  12. For some reason, I missed your posts this morning. I don’t think I’m being notified any more and I really MISSED you, wondered and then worried a bit about you, but I found an old notification in my email and I’m so glad you’re still doing well! Praying for you!

    Like

  13. Stephanie,
    Thank you so much for being a wonderful witness through sharing your story. Every time I read one of your blogs, I’m just amazed at your love for God and how He’s clearly using what you’re going through for His glory. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you and your family, but your faith is so inspiring. Paul has always been on the top of my list for people I can’t wait to meet in heaven because I admire him so much for how he endured, even celebrated, his suffering because it brought him closer to God. And so often when I read your blog, that’s who you remind me of! I’m praying for you and your family, and I’m excited to see what God has planned for you because He’s obviously preparing you for big things!
    💗💗💗
    PS No matter what you may think you look like, you are gorgeous, inside and out! And nothing that happens on the outside will ever change that because your soul is absolutely beautiful. 😘

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s